The first of many to come

21 July 2007
So went back to the old stomping grounds last weekend. Headed to St. Louis with my mom to attend Angie's, my friend from high school, wedding. I saw my girls from high school. We had fun: went to the rehearsal dinner, out to Soulard for and evening, the customary late night trip to Steak 'N Shake, the wedding and then Columbia, MO to visit the brother. It was fun to be at the wedding with a few of my old friends, my mom and my brother.

There was a lot of wedding talk, considering my friend Caitlin and Kim are both engaged on top of the fact we were at a wedding. One day I might decide to have one of those things, but as everyone reminds me I do need one of the boyfriend people.

I took a lot of pics and you can check them out: http://ku.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2160104&l=c1d8b&id=16801615

In addition to the wedding Cindy and I met Amanda, my brother's girlfriend. She was nice and the second day was a bit more comfortable around us which showed us a bit more about her.

Other highlights also included a trip to H & M, St. Louis Break Company, Ted Drews, dressing up in some size 15 shoes and drinking a beer in Dillards department store.

Great trip, weird to be back in St. Louis - a lot has changed but many happy memories there.

One year in the desert

04 July 2007
So not only has it been a long time since I have blogged last, it has been one year of living in Arizona. July 3 was one year living here and July 5 is one year at 3TV. That seems like an eternity. A lot of things have been going through my mind the past month or so and it has somewhat to do with my one-year status.
There is a restlessness setting in that has managed to creep into many aspects of my life and well cause some well problems I guess you could say.
Besides contemplating going back to school, I want to move into a house, I need a long vacation, I want this new project at work help me like my job again and well I want to just be happy with who I am.
Life is funny and well lets see what's going to happen.

Just an update on life...

29 May 2007
So this holiday weekend was good. I managed to go out Thursday through Monday have a grill out and go swimming a few times. We in fact came up with a game that involved the pool and drinking (which I wouldn't exactly recommend cause that could lead to someone drowning.) So overall pretty productive. Oh didn't mention that my new friend Katie and I managed to entertain ourselves one night by going around and getting guys to buy us drinks. FUN TIMES. So yeah I have a new friend Katie, who I met through my friend Will. We hit it off right away, which considering that I don't have many girl friends here, is great.
As far as other things work is work, the parents are good. My brother came for a visit-always nice to see him.
That about sums up that. You could say I am content and well preparing for 100+ temps for the next couple of months. =)

Aimlessy writing

08 May 2007
So have you ever thought you were a horrible person cause of something you did to someone, but also because of what you did to yourself. Wow that sounds so much less confusing in my own mind. Cinco de Mayo, that is my holiday. Margaritas, chips and salsa, dancing - but this year there would be none of that.
I had my tequila and went out, but nothing like year's past and the night turned into one of the worst ever.
Is it possible to say the worst thing ever and be forgiven? Especially when my reason for saying those things isn't as bad as what was said? That is the situation I am in, but is it right for me to put myself down. Anyway I am sure noone reading this understands, but the reality of the situation is this could really suck.
Sorry to vent.

DUENDE - Los Angeles

25 April 2007
Went to L.A. and came back with a tattoo on my forearm. At this point no one wants to hear about the trip they just want the story of how I came to have six letters written on my arm.

Yes, it seems like no one wants to believe it but I did actually have a guy named Mark pierce my arm with ink. No henna or wet and stick temporary tattoo, it is PERMANENT and for real (to everyone's amazement and shock.)

So this whole idea started when we made a trip to check out the tattoo parlor where Britney Spears got her most recent tattoo. While there Lauren and Meagan wanted Ashely to get a tattoo, but she hadn't any clue as to what she would want.

We went home that night and I thought I have always wanted to get a tattoo, a six letter Spanish word written on my forearm. The next day we ate at a really good Sushi restaurant in Studio City, which happened to be situated next to a tattoo parlor. We went in to look for an idea for Ashley's tat, but came out thinking I was going to get a tattoo. I made the choice and on Saturday, April 21, I made an appointment to get a tattoo later that night.

At around 10 p.m. after enjoying happy hour, which I knew would be necessary to deal with the pain of the inking process, we went to that tattoo parlor. Mark was the guy who would mark me forever. We had to wait about an hour, which was agonizing considering I can't stand needles or pain. And the buzz completely wore off. But I was determined to do this, cause I stopped thinking about things and just did it. (Something I will think about everytime I look at my arm.)

And so I got the word Duende written on my left forearm.
Now let me explain the meaning as you all probably don't know what it means. Duende is a Spanish word that originated in southern Spain in the flamenco culture ages ago. There are many different interpretations. Websters defines it as an evil spirit. But, it actually means love, to be in love and to be around those people you love. I got the word from a book I read and ultimately Duende means to come into contact with something that fills you with passion. So long explanation short, everytime I look at my arm I will constantly be reminded to seek the things that fill me with passion. Duende = Passion.

Another note, as Meagan pointed out, if I ever go missing I now have an identifying mark, a tattoo. (Pics will come in the next day or so.)

See more of the L.A. story as told brilliantly by Meagan at http://squirrelly.wordpress.com/2007/04/25/la-parenthetically/.

Gosh...it's been too long

31 March 2007
So I haven't written on my blog in ages. Tons of things have happened since then.
I have gotten a roommate, gone to Las Vegas, gone to Mexico, worked a lot and sort of got dumped -- and that is not even half of it.
We are on the verge of April, gosh how time flies. Lets see where to begin...
Travel, cause I love to do it. Well I put a lot of miles on my car driving to Las Vegas for the first weekend of the NCAA tourney and visiting some old friends. Andy and a few of his friends were there and I decided to go up at the tail end of their visit and proceed to have a debaucherous good time.
After two days of sun, fun and nightlife Andy and I then headed back to Phoenix for a night. We then basically turned around and drove to Mexico the next morning. Yeah, we just drove on down and in less than four hours were having Coronas on the beach. Awesome huh? (We all should go sometime.) South of the Border proved to be fun and interesting. We went right in the middle of Spring Break time, so there were all of these college coeds down there living it up, SPRING BREAK 2007!!!! (I chuckle.)
Two days was all we had in Mexico too and then it was back to Phoenix for a night before the whirlwind vacation was over and I need to sober up and sleep. Andy and I hit Tempe for dinner and then we headed to my friend Jesse's bar where I had the opportunity to introduce him to some of my new friends. It was great to see him and get a little time off work.
Work, well that is another story. I am two days away from completing my marathon week of 12 days straight. I will never do this again, scheduling issues made it so and I was able to gain some vacation days so not bad in that respect, but I am going crazy.
I now have a roommate. His name is Brandon, a friend of Ellyn and fellow Kansas alum. We have completely opposite schedules so I never see him. So that is really all there is so report on that development.
Lets see random things, Kim, friend from high school is getting engaged. So that leaves out of the five of us girls Lauren and I as the single ones, really without even any prospects so so far away from getting a ring. You know I just laugh cause I really don't want to be even thinking about that with anyone right now.
Oh that leads me to the getting dumped part. I say sort of cause we really weren't dating, but were more than friends. I mean for all those who know that story I knew this day was coming at some point (ex-girlfriend issues on his part) but it still sucks. Who knows what will happen cause I will still hang out with him, his friends are really some of the only friends I got so it is inevitable. But you know this might actually be a good thing. I am bummed, but sort of over it and optimistic that once he works through these issues, his issues, he will see what a good thing he gave up. And by that time I might be here, I might not life will only tell. I do know though that next weekend I have tickets to a charity event and I need someone to take.
So that is a sort winded explanation of the past month. Scattered in there are Sunday dinners with the parents, shopping for some sassy new shoes and spring clothes and making a new friend at work (her name is Jen - and I am sure based on the fun we had last night there will be more stories involving her to come).
So next time the post will be shorter if I don't wait a month to write.

Life, love, loss

26 February 2007
Warning: This is probably going to be a completely random and rather heavy post.

So with so much time to think about things lately and sick of talking to people about it I thought I would write my thoughts down. And well just putting them into a Word document wasn't going to be good enough. So...
When I am going to meet someone who I can spend the rest of my life with? What do I really want to do with my life? Am I chronically going to choose an emotionally unavailable guy to spend my time with? How can I help her? What does it all really mean? Will I be able to fulfill all my dreams before it is too late?
So many questions no need to have answers, even though I want them.
The other day when confronted with the possibility of losing it all tomorrow I realized that even though next week could suck, today is what is most important. It is so hard to live for the moment, when life does take planning, but really what if everything for the next 10 years was planned and it was all ripped away in a moment. All that time you spent worrying about a plan would be for not.
So no more thinking about the ifs, ands or buts and just think about what is.
As I am confronted with choices, decisions, desires it seems clear that if I truly believe that everything happens for a reason then I will let it happen.
Who knows I might just enjoy things more!!!